Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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