I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
