I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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