everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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