I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
