If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
