the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
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