South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
