Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
