I need to stop coming to work sober
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
