It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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