M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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