Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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