Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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