Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
