I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
