I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
