Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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