I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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