Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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