i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Lo siento on account of my penis...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
