That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
