Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
