I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I think a kid would responsible me up
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
