I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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