Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
