OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
