His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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