Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
