Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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