I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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