he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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