Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
