i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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