She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
