remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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