just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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