I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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