Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I supernannyed him into submission
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
