I molested 6 butterflies tonight
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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