Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
