Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
