I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize