I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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