I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
