The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
