the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I had to cum in my sink.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
