no more duck duck goose at the bar
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
