When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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