I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
