The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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