The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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