just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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