My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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