I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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