Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
