Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
