she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
