You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My vagina is very pro this idea
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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