i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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