my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
