I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
All I want is dick and wine.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
