we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
