they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
